Day 5 in Lanzhou

We start every day with breakfast in the hotel where they serve some Western style food. We have kind of gotten in the routine of going down about 9 with the Pellegrino's and we shut the place down (they tear down at 10). We all then headed out for the day in search of panda shoes for Anthony. We found his shoes and were then in search of another department store that we heard about. It always proves interesting. As usual, we get a lot of stares. We made our way to the other shopping area and found it to be an upscale are that was quite expensive. We did however find our way into a Pizza Hut for a late lunch! Yum! A little piece of home! We also stumbled upon what appeared to be a Christian church. That was about it. Nothing too exciting. We headed back for a much needed nap. The air quality is just terrible!!!  It's better to just stay in the hotel, so that's what we do a lot.  Claire is getting more responsive all the time.  She still has a very short attention span, but if no one talked to you for four years, you would, too.  She has started to show signs of playing with her toys and that is very encouraging.  She weighs 15 pounds.....I can't say it enough times...we think we were sent here to save her life.  Knowing that is incredibly overwhelming.  Incredibly humbling, but for me (Leslie) incredibly scary.  Please pray for me, for my ability to take captive the thoughts, to hold fast to the truths that God  has shown us all along this journey.  My heart is broken for my daughter.  The things of her past that I cannot change, but I am having a very hard time facing them.  Chris is my rock.  How one man can have so many wondeful qualities and strengths is beyond me.  He has had to litterally hold me up at some points of this journey.  I look at Claire and am heartbroken.  I HAVE to get to a point where I can look at her and smile and see the future, not the past.  I'm trying.  I have gotten her to laugh a few times today, so that's wonderful.  We are planning to look hot and heavy into the ability to change her birth year to 2011.  Melisa  Chambers, can you work on that for me?  You know you're my computer/information guru.  We think this is important.  I know it sounds stupid, but I can ALMOST wrap my brain around this if I think of her as a one year old and not a four year old.  SO if you are my friend, please don't ask me how old she is.  It's too painful.  Maybe someday I can face these facts, but for today, this is my plan.  I am DREADING taking her to the doctors......what I'm afraid I will hear is going to be so hard.  I was so looking forward to taking Jack to the doctors, but this is so different.  I'm not sure if we will have her admitted right away or not....probably so....all I know is that her health is the MOST important thing right now.  I have to keep telling myslef that she has survived on almost nothing for this long, she will be ok 'til we get her home.  There are a few songs that are ministering to me the last few days.  One is "Your Hands" by JJ Heller, the other is "Beautiful Things", by Gungor.  "Beautiful Things" is the song that God laid on my heart for her a long time ago.....never dreamed it would be this accurate.  This area is filthy.  It is a contradiction of modern and overwhelmingly backwards.  But, she did have her first bowel movement, which is a huge relief, and she is eating well.  Thank you, every one of you, for your words of encouragement.  I read them every morning and cry and cry.  I need every verse that you send, every positive thing that you point out.  I am very ashamed of myself right now....I know I should be rejoicing, and in some ways I do, but I am as low as I've ever been, and I am drawing off each of you right now.  Please don't let up when we get home.  We need all of you to do what God is asking us to do for this tiny, precious, amazingly beautiful little girl. Thank you for your love and prayers.  We can feel them, and please keep them coming.  We have 10 longs days to go.  Also, please pray for our travel companions' little boy, Anthony Zihou, as he has had to be treated for an infected ingrown toenail and it's been a very hard, scary ordeal.  They are wonderful!!!  God sent us friends that will last a lifetime on this trip, and their love for and acceptance of Claire had been remarkable.  It feels like we have known them forever.  They have helped us with her and helped keep me moving forward.  God is sooooo good and they are a true gift and highlight of this trip.  We miss our other kids so bad.  There are so many things about Chinese adoptions that I don't like, and being away so long is at the top of the list.